The inhumanity of machine-like thoughts

November 19, 2007

Welcome, new visitor! My name is Ari, the man behind Aries9. Here I share my thoughts on music and life, so you can get to know me and my music. Thanks for visiting!

I’m a man of many mistakes.

Which is fine, except my day job is a web professional.  In anything computer-related, little mistakes can have grave consequences.  One misspelling can make the whole thing crash.  Nothing is acceptable than 100% accuracy.  And when you achieve that, do we get recognized for excellence?  No.  That’s what’s expected of us, all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to complain.  It’s just the way it is in this industry, and I do like what I do.

But sometimes I have to remind myself how inhumane this mode of operation is.

You know the difference between analog and digital clocks?  Analog clocks can visually communicate (well, it can be digital — just that the display has to resemble the one involving two arms) the concept of time.  It’s not concerned about details as much, but you know more or less when it is and how much time you have left and so on.  On a digital display of nothing but numbers, it’s all about detail.  12:59 is essentially 1 o’clock, but you have to compute that in your mind to reach that conclusion.  It excels at details, fails at big pictures.

Well, because my life revolves around computers, I start to think like them.  I expect 100% accuracy and nothing less is acceptable.  Life is half empty, instead of half full, because the wish list I throw at it come back with some items unfulfilled.  And I have a hard time accepting my own mistakes, because I’m used to people noticing my every mistake and pointing them out.

AARGH!  I gotta stop this.  I am mostly a good person, mostly reliable, mostly accurate (well, I’m not sure about that…) and that’s gotta be good enough.  I do take responsibilities for my mistakes, I admit making them and I compensate for them.  What more am I supposed to do?  I am not a computer.

I am an imperfection.

I am at mercy of other people’s forgiveness and tolerance.  And of my own.

I just have to leave it at that state.  I will never stop being imperfect.  But I still want to be happy.

Filed under: Ari, Reflections |