Tearing It Apart

January 8, 2008

So, you have this piece of machinery. You know how it works, you know all the parts. But you also know something else:

It can be better.

But to make it so, you have to take it apart first.

It’s a considerable effort and entails some risk. You ponder it a while and you finally take the plunge. With every precaution and preparation, you take it carefully apart — and then attempt to rebuilt it, to be more than what it was.

Throughout the process, but especially in the reassembly, you have this massive doubt accompanying you the whole way.

Will it really get better? Or will it even get back together?

Should you have left good enough alone?

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I don’t know about anyone else, but to me growth isn’t anything to take lightly, something to throw around as if it’s the most natural and desirable thing. Nature can do it effortlessly but unfortunately parts of me have grown distant, and it’s been all about cutting that part of it down — it’s laborious, painful, time-consuming and scary. I’m only glad when I’m on the next plateau, if only for a while.

Growing is a violent business.

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