No, you won’t get away with it

February 14, 2008

Welcome, new visitor! My name is Ari, the man behind Aries9. Here I share my thoughts on music and life, so you can get to know me and my music. Thanks for visiting!

I have a bad, bad habit.

I don’t know when it started. I can blame it on my parents — they should’ve punished me when they knew that I was playing video games way longer than the limits they imposed, behind their backs.

I just have this tendency to think I can get away with it.

I underestimate things constantly.

My wife can attest to the fact that I used to be the world’s most messiest person. (she may claim that I still am) Why? Because I underestimate the consequence of not organizing. I think I can get away without the effort and resources it takes to get myself organized.

And it sure has bitten me on my ass. More so than I care to count.

And that way of thinking has long been my first tendency, that now I have to fight myself to control my impulse.

This morning was a great example. I just received a pair of earphones for my iPod, which comes with three different set of pads to ensure that a user can find a set that fits the best in his/her ears. I was eager to experiment with different pairs, as that would affect the sound quality — and I started fiddling with it on my morning bus, despite a very loud and clear voice in my head telling me not to do it, that I would lose it.

You know what happened next.

I thought I had controlled the urge, that I had successfully talked myself into waiting 30 minutes until I get to the office. I imagined the relief of playing with my earphones in a safe environment, and the pride of having successfully controlled my behavior.

But the next moment, I was digging in my bag looking for those ear pads.

And I saw one of the pads roll off my hand, on to the floor, out of sight.

I never saw it again.

I don’t know what happened. It was an impulsive behavior. I don’t think I had any reasons that convinced me that it was a good idea. I just thought — that I could get away with it. It was a bad idea, but not bad enough to stay away from it.

The bad part was that I did get away with it, sort of. No, I didn’t find the lost piece. But one of the remaining pairs of ear pads worked great for me, so I ended up throwing away the rest.

Why is that bad? Well, I should’ve gotten punished for it, so I would’ve learned the lesson — once again. I did feel bad enough, however, for having lost control of myself to my silly impulse and having attracted the exact consequence I had envisioned.

This is my pure speculation, but I wonder if this kind of thinking is what went through Bill Clinton’s mind when he was having an affair with Monica Lewinsky. And he lied at first about it, thinking, hoping that he could get away with it. My father once told me his theory that it was a tendency of smart and gifted people to get caught for stupid mistakes like that. Because they’re able, they think they can get away with it. Cheat the system.

Well, that really doesn’t sound all that smart to me. Being able to calculate fast means nothing if your calculation ends up being wrong.

I’m going to step up my effort to grind into my head, this lesson I need to learn.

Because next time, it may not be a cheap ear pad that I’m going to lose.

Filed under: Ari, Reflections |