High school

March 15, 2008

Welcome, new visitor! My name is Ari, the man behind Aries9. Here I share my thoughts on music and life, so you can get to know me and my music. Thanks for visiting!

Tonight I ran the sound for a talent show at a high school. My old buddy asked me to help out.

High school has always felt like an odd place to me. There are such huge gaps in development among kids. Some are practically adults — physically, and sometimes mentally. Others are still developing. That in-between time between childhood and young adult is precarious.

It’s funny, when I was in high school I thought I was all mature and grown-up. I look back and see now how immature I was, even compared to other kids who were my age. I suppose I was more developed in some areas, but over all the balance was really off. There really was nothing to base self-confidence on.

Anyway, back to the high school talent show. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a bunch of teenagers perform — from karaoke to dance.

I found myself really enjoying the experience. Every person who performed had this similar exuberant vibe — youthful, I could say — about them. There were varying degrees of skills and comfort level about performing in public, of course.

But you know, how when you’re a little kid, you sing because you like to, not because you’re good at it? And you do it with such a gusto, all the way from the bottom, simply because you like it. There are no calculations about how to get people’s attention or approval, there are no hidden agendas. You don’t fear embarrassment or rejection. You don’t know you’re bad until someone tells you so.

Watching them perform with their youthful abandon, I felt inspired, in a way. There was a very care-free vibe to them. These kids haven’t learned when it’s appropriate to show or hide themselves in public. No one has told them that they weren’t good.

Growing up, I loved singing. My mother told me that I sang from the balcony of our 4th floor apartment when I was like 3 years old, and women walking by would stop and applaud. I didn’t know that I wasn’t good, until when I was 18 and tried out for a choir in college.

I’m glad I learned what I did, but with it came stuff I wish I didn’t learn. All the fear and trepidation of embarrassment, that somehow I wasn’t good enough to do what I loved. People telling me that I am not that good, that I shouldn’t be doing this.

But watching the kids today, I was reminded that that kid that sang out of that balcony is still inside. And he’s still just as excited about what I am doing as he was back then. He got buried beneath all the junk that got piled up — but the last few years I’ve been chipping away at these walls I built, to let him out once again.

I’ve changed and grown a lot, but also there’s a lot that hasn’t changed. Today I saw an old friend and saw a reminder of a past that I didn’t mind reliving. I’m usually not one to point to a bygone era and long for it. But there is definitely something I lost, something I am getting back.

It is nice, to be young again.

Filed under: Ari, Reflections |