And in the conversation, I realized that there’s a huge common ground between job hunting and promoting a band.

It’s all about identity.

When you’re promoting a band, it’s crucial to define who you are and what your music is.  You need to have a concise, clear way of describing your identity as a band.  You want all the promotional material to reflect that identity — from band photos to bios to web sites.  If you’re a glorified garage rock band, then you’d naturally want a sense of trashiness in your presentation.  A hushed, quiet folk music, a sense of earth and tranquility.

This is also true about job hunting.

When you’re looking for a job, you’re not just trying to find a job that you qualify for and then show the interviewers how your qualifications match the job listings.

You can get a job doing just that, but that’s a crap shoot.  You’re just waiting to be lucky.

What you have to do is to clearly define who you are, and look for a company that looks like they can use someone like you.  And this is more about culture than specific qualifications.  Different kinds of people work in different industries.  Advertising agencies are filled with Type-A go-getters, they are casual and slick and trendy.  IT tends to be very analytical, confident yet competitive.  I’m overgeneralizing here, but in general this is true.

I myself have had multiple stints in publishing industry and non-profit arts organizations.  Why?  Those industries tend to attract people like me.  I would think I’d fit well in higher-education institutions, too, though somehow I never had a chance to verify that, so I might have been wrong.

My friend is an IT professional, but he told me about how he doesn’t like a lot of IT guys he meets.  It’s very macho and competitive, and while very smart, they can come across condescending and arrogant — even to their customers!  He felt that he was different.  He loves helping people solve their computer problems.  He’s great at explaining technical concepts to people who are not savvy.  I could tell that the helping was the part that drove him to do his job — not the technical knowledge.

When I looked at his resume, though, what he had on there didn’t tell me what he just told me.  So I told him to put that in at the top, nice and bold.

“I’m an IT tech who’s not an asshole.”

While people like my friend may be minority among IT guys, there are companies who would love to hire him.  He himself identified that he felt more comfortable in non-profit, healthcare or higher-education institutes.  (see why he and I are friends?)  He’d be a well-appreciated IT guy in a non-IT industry, where people care about helping other people.

I’m convinced that with this new realization about who he is and where he fits in, he can go and find a great job, sooner rather than later.

You see how the process went:

1. Figure out who you are.
2. Articulate it in presentation.
3. Send that to places where like-minded people congregate.

This is exactly the same, between job hunting and promoting a band.  I imagine, it’s the same, too, if you’re looking for a romantic relationship, or any friends.

We have to first know ourselves, then figure out how to tell others about who we are, before finding like-minded people.  Once you realize this, then you can get better at doing this.

Everything starts with your identity.  Be sure to start close to home.

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re feeling happy, then you are happy. Be happy! Celebrate!

But you may be experiencing other types of emotions, and still feel “happy.” Perhaps the word “happiness” is problematic here. You can be “joyful,” “content,” or “satisfied” without necessarily feeling “happy.”

Let me explain.

The other day, I was laying sick, on my bed. Ever since having kids, I’ve gotten sick more often.

But every time I get sick (which is not that often — 2-3 times a year), I am overcome with a sense of gratitude.

Why? No, I’m not a masochist. I’m just glad that while I may not be well, the extent of my illness usually stops with common cold or flu. In the other words, I’m not very sick at all. If a cold or a flu is the extent of my illnesses, then bring them on. I’m so happy that I’m not dealing with a major illness, like cancer or AIDS.

So catching a flu serves as a reminder of how healthy, fortunate and lucky I am.

But that doesn’t mean that I actually feel better. I was grateful as usual, but also miserable.

So I put my headphones on, and found perfect music (I think it was Kalli’s While the City Sleeps) to soothe my soul while laying down feeling sick. It was dark, quiet, and lonely (my family had gone to bed already). I allowed myself to sulk in my misery.

And somewhere in that time, I began to feel a powerful sense of joy and relief. I was so overcome, that I started laughing to myself. I wouldn’t say I was happy — or was I? I was miserable, I certainly wasn’t enjoying that.

On the other hand, I felt that I was whole. As in no pretending. When I’m ill, I do a fair amount of pretending — pretending not to look or sound so bad. But you know, I was feeling bad. And when I finally accepted that and allowed myself to be that sorry character who was sick and feeling sorry for himself — aided with the perfect sound track for the occasion — I just felt very joyful.

Joyful to be able to fully feel and express the full, unrestrained emotion.

I realized that being happy doesn’t necessarily mean feeling happy all the time. I used to think that happy people didn’t feel sad or angry or other “negative” emotions.

But that is not true. As a happy and whole human being, you’d feel, and you should be allowed to feel, a full range of emotions. And the “happy” part comes from not having to restrain, conceal, negate, or filter any of them. Including those “negative” emotions.

I am a musician, so music serves as a catalyst, the unlocking key to some of the feelings that I do conceal, in an attempt to be more socially acceptable. Like anger, frustration and fear. The other day I was feeling angry, so I put System of a Down’s Prison Song. It’s such a pure, unadulterated rage. It’s a song about prison conspiracy in US, and I have to admit, I haven’t done any research to see if what they are claiming is true. But that wasn’t the point of the song, for me. I was angry, and I needed something that justified and unleashed my anger. For that purpose, the song worked great.

So to sum up, I observed several truths that are related to one another.

1. Being able to fully embrace all emotions leads to a sense of contentment and joy.
2. Some of us are concealing and restraining some of the emotions, those we deem “unacceptable” to express.
3. If you belong to 2, then it’s helpful to have an outlet — occasions, art, whatever-works-for-you — to unlock the hidden emotions.

If you are feeling sad, allow yourself! Don’t judge your sadness. Whatever made you sad, your emotion is valid and fully justified. You have the right to feel that way — and feel that way freely and completely. Don’t try to limit the range or the depth of it. Just embody the feeling, until you are finished. Same thing with anger, disappointment, fear or longing. Give yourself the permission to experience and feel them fully.

You’ll find that once you do start to feel those emotions to their full extent, you’ll find that there is an “end” to it. You feel it for a while, but then after that, you don’t feel the same any more. This is the healthy way to be.

What won’t go away are those emotions that you aren’t feeling fully. They will never go away. And they do become worse, the longer they stay with you. Go lock yourself in a room and start feeling.

We all feel. Some of us feel more strongly than we realize. That’s OK — allow yourself.

For in embracing all feelings, we find freedom and joy.

Even when you are sad.

It’s The Alarm’s Eye of the Hurricane.

The Alarm, for those of you not old enough, was a British band from 80’s that were colleagues of early U2.

Anyway, what surprised me was obviously the fact that I am enjoying it, having rediscovered it after it sitting gathering dust for years. I’m usually not a “classic rock” person — most productions that sound dated lose my interest.

And I looked up to see what year it was released — 1987! The same year U2’s The Joshua Tree came out.

Now, let’s stop and think about this. It’s 2008. I’m listening to a piece of music captured from 21 years ago.

And that means my music, too, will be available to listen, exactly the way it is now, 20 years down the road. And more.

Is it just me or does that boggles your mind? What I’m creating today has lasting consequences for ages. Will it stand the test of time? Or in 10 years will it sound dated and old?

I don’t know.

I definitely have my own theories about what makes a recording timeless. And I did keep that in mind while I was recording it.

But at the same time, any recording is of its time — it’s OK for art to react to its surroundings. It’s hard to completely remove yourself and create music that only exists in a bigger, longer flow.

So, how do you find timelessness in being timely?

I won’t list all the compositional, arranging and production tricks to achieve that goal here, but in essence, I think one can achieve that feat by examine the current times and extracting the heart of the issue. The cores of human conditions remain the same — we always celebrate joy, fear fear, struggle with loneliness and fulfilling one’s potential. And I’m not necessarily talking about lyrics, either. If the music reaches out to these core feelings, I think it can remain relevant through ages.

That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t appreciate Shrek very much, nor am I a big fan of parodies that mimic whatever is popular at the time. It is possible, I do think, to be a parody and still achieve timelessness — but it’s hard. They create products like that, mainly to gain quick bucks. 20, 30 years from now, when people watching it are not aware of material they’re parodying, it’ll lose its relevance.

That’s not to say that it’s wrong to do that. It’s art! Follow your muses.

Me, I just like to create something that transcends time. Or at least try to.

It’s my theory that these incidents are perpetuating itself. The more media coverage there is (and I’m not advocating that media NOT cover it), the more we think that this CAN happen. The idea gets incubated in mentally unstable people, and those two elements together lead to another tragedy.

I think all of us have some fleeting moments, passing thoughts, of random acts of violence. Sting has a song called “I Hung My Head” that discusses such possibilities. All of us CAN inflict violence randomly and for no reason.

Fortunately, for 99.9% of us, it’s just a fleeting thought. We don’t do what we can.

That said, I think anger and frustration are all very legitimate feelings. There are ways to live a life with minimal of such feelings, but once they enter your mind, you have to purge it out somehow. One thing I did learn — they NEVER go away by holding it in. Even for years. The longer it stays, the more it festers.

A good night’s sleep, great food, exercise and something that makes you laugh can go a long way toward alleviating pent-up emotions.

But when I really need to just purge, then I turn to music. A few minute of indulging in imaginative violence, so that I can turn it off at the end.

I’ve witnessed this in metal bands myself. When I was a stage manager at SXSW years ago, metal bands were my favorite to work with. They tended to be nice and mellow people — friendly and easy to work with. NOTHING like their music or on-stage demeanor.

My theory is that they just channel it out in their art and performance, so that there’s nothing left to carry over to the rest of their lives. There’s really no need. (I do wonder if the same is true for horror movie aficionados. If you are one, tell me your thoughts)

So — put your headphones on or better, lock yourself in a room where you can be loud and obnoxious. Turn it up to 11. Scream and slash around with it.

That’s metal experience at its best. I recommend In Flames — they are amazing.

Listen to metal. Don’t shoot people.

Today is a day to accept my defeat.  It was just “one of those days” when everything seems to go wrong.

My solution?  Give up.  Go to bed early.

Good night.